Edinburgh - (Pirate Ass Mess): Did self-publicising philanthropisst and children's author JK Rowling pay Somali pirates to release Paul and Rachel Chandler?
A look of playful glee on her finely botoxed - er...chiselled! - features may belie the secret of the yachting couple's freedom.
"What a marvellous publicity coup!" Our Man in Modagishu commented today as the Chandlers signed up for a worldwide book deal on their year-long ordeal.
"Could rake in more $$$s than all 33 Chilean minors (sic) put together," a Foreign Orifice liaison person concurred, "with the Treasury's potential VAT receipts enough to spearhead a massive recession turnaround!"
The couple are heading back home to the UK where a huge welcome committee awaits them.
Daniel Radcliffe is 69.