Written by Skoob1999
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 13 November 2010

image for Anne Shuttlecock In Emotional Supermarket Exchange With Local Woman
8 Out Of Ten Cats Prefer Food Over Starvation

Local woman Anne Shuttlecock - long suffering wife of failed Spoofer Martin Shuttlecock got more than she bargained for Saturday on a trip to a local supermarket to do the weekly big shop.

Explaining to Skoob News that Shuttlecock hadn't accompanied her on the shopping trip because he was basically a miserable bastard, who generally complains when she goes about her ritual bread squeezing and browsing through stuff which she has no intention of ever purchasing, for interminable lengths of time, Anne had ventured out alone.

Anne Shuttlecock had managed to get the bulk of her shopping done in a record breaking three and a half hours. With only cat food remaining on her shopping list, Anne proceeded to the Pet Food aisle.

Which is where the emotional exchange occurred.

As Anne was perusing the cans of processed rodent meat chunks in sticky glutinous jelly for the family moggy's delectation, she was approached by a vertically challenged middle aged lady, who politely asked for Anne's assistance in reaching for a pack of cat food off a high shelf, explaining that the food on the top shelf was the only one that her own pet moggy enjoyed.

A conversation about cats (surprisingly enough) ensued, a conversation which a third woman joined in. Then, incredibly, as Anne Shuttlecock explained that she now only owned one cat, because that bastard vicious dog from the house next door had killed Doris (the cat) when the fucking thing broke a fence panel down and snapped the cat's spine with a single bite.

Anne Shuttlecock takes up the story:

"It was dead weird. The woman burst into bleedin' tears and flung her arms around me. Sayin' how terrible it must have been and that. Then she asked me if I'd killed the dog. When I told her that I hadn't, she asked me for my address and told me that she'd come round and kill it for me. Needless to say - I didn't tell her. I reckon she's as batchy as the bastard dog next door."

More shopping shennanigans as we get them.

Make Skoob1999's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 4 multiplied by 5?

9 1 12 20
56 readers are online right now!

Go to top