Written by queen mudder
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Saturday, 13 November 2010

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Fuck off George, you're already banned from the funeral!

London - (RIP Mess): Will the Queen spearhead the nation's mood by joining the Grateful - er...Glorious! - Dead in a Remembrance Sunday shocker?

Plans for a poignant Saturday night televised farewell were scrapped earlier this year.

Thousands of viewers' complaints about over-exposure during her £250,000 'austerity' cruise around Scotland this summer was the last nail in the coffin.

Saturday's annual Festival of Remembrance appearance at the Royal Albert Hole is also tainted because of HM's soaring attendance allowance of £100,000 a pop.

Factoring in death duties, VAT and subsequent video royalties of her - say - 'falling off the royal box balcony' demise would send costs rocketing.

"So it likely to be a few quiet drops of hemlock in her Saturday night Whorelicks cuppa," Buckingham Palace soothsayers predicted.

"That way Charles' birthday on Sunday can be the truly miserable affair we know to expect."

Camilla Parker Bowles is itching for a shag.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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