LONDON - At a press conference, Rupert Murdoch, head of News Corp. which owns the right-wing FOX TV network in America and the Sun tabloid in Britain, came out to the press that he used the money set aside for the BSkyB buyout, for charitable purposes.
BSkyB, the UK's sole digital satellite TV provider was to be attempted to be bought out by the Murdochs, however, it met fierce resistance from the Guardian, the state television network, the BBC, and most surprisingly, the Daily Mail - which never sides with its leftist rival, the Guardian.
Rupert Murdoch, who is, according to legend, a heartless megalomaniacal loser, decided to donate the money to several charities.
"I just saw some, kids..."he said, nearly breaking down in tears. "Playing in a park. They were so happy, yet so poor. And I thought, if they could help themselves... think what I could do to help good!"
He had donated to:
- Cancer Research
- Help the Children Foundation
- Water Aid
- Help the Inhopless Guy
and many others.
Rupert Murdoch, who owns at least two media outlets in nearly every country in the world, will use these outlets to bring social justice and peace to the world.
His first thing will be to urge all FOX News viewers to support their government in any way, and urged Sun readers to help get the poor and homeless back on their feet.
"It's a miracle!" proclaimed Jack White, a public sector worker, struggling to keep his two, bright kids in university. "That man donated £900 million (US$ 1,454 million) to save us all."
He also went on aa whistle-stop tour of Africa and Asia helping set up poor people for the future, and battling corruption where it existed.
Meanwhile, up in Heaven, God, also known as Yehweh, and Allah, decided to Rupert Murdoch immortality, provided he rids the world of evil.
"There's a goddamned theodicy!" he proclaimed to all 7.1 billion inhabitants of Earth.