LONDON, EDINGBURH, CARDIFF, BELFAST - A new Counter-Terrorism report suggests that of the 1.7 million Muslims in Britain, nearly 80% are producing home-grown model citizens, who are terrifyingly good in school, and help out in their community.
The report found that these Muslims had intent to educate, bring up, and nurture home-grown citizens, who may attempt to attack social problems.
"This one boy, lives down the road," recalls Anne May. "Rajesh Koothapali, I think, he was called. I was running my bakery, and he had paid for a loaf of bread. I tried to give him change, but he told me to keep it. The cheek! I tried to resist, but he forced me to put it back in my till!"
It is cases like this that shock many people. However, help may be on the way. In the Bullring, a popular shopping mall in central Birmingham, the West Midlands Poice Counter-Terrorism Unit stopped two Muslims, a male and a female, from trying to initiate a plan to 'date'. Thanks to the brave officers, these two will never attempt to conceive a dangerous tool.
Police have pulled several young would-bes from attempting to gain a 'grade', which will give them the go-ahead to progress and shape the world, to great effect.
"These young ones," says Theresa May, Home Secretary, "are the dangerous ones. They have open minds, which could lead them to think terrible things, like volunteering, doing charitable things... It's just horrible thinking about it."
The Taliban and Al-Qaeda are saying they were not involved in the plot.