Skiving Oldies, pretending to have health problems are clogging up the Health system. 'It is about time Old People learnt to stop being so pathetic' said Hospital Chief Dr Mortician 'we get these people complaining about everything under the sun. There's nothing to beat a stiff upper lip and a cup of tea, as my mother always used to say, before she started complaining that she was ill.'
The inconsiderate Oldies who actually die in hospital are becoming a real drain on the NHS. They get everything done for them and then they let us down, let the hospital down and let themselves down by dying.
Figures released today measuring the effectiveness of health care for people over eighty found far too much effort was made keeping people, who were clearly past their best, alive. Relatives also became a nuisance finding fault with everything.
'Society has to toughen up' said the newly appointed Minister of Considerate Dying 'we all have to make sacrifices in these difficult times. The old must take their share along with students, undeserving poor people and any creative person.'
A Liberal Democrat pledge to give old people a helping hand was found to have been written in ink that has now become invisible. 'We don't like putting old people through this' explained Nick Clegg 'but we are politicians. You can't expect us to tell the truth.'