Workers will be made to pay for the privilege of doing so in what Iain Duncan Smith says is the biggest shake up of working practice since some ill though out law from 1788 was passed to prevent children being employed as chimney sweeps.
In a raft of changes sinking under the weight of their own stupidity, prospective applicants will not only have to pay for the right to work once employed, but go through a mental health assessment which if passed will require them to place a deposit on the position applied for.
'Anybody with the brazen audacity to apply for a job in this climate expecting to get an interview who later manages to secure one, will be required to attend an assessment with a psychiatrist to determine whether their over-bearing confidence is as a result of any deep rooted abnormality. '
'Should the applicant pass this interrogation, they will be required to put down a holding deposit equivalent to four weeks pay of the role applied for.'
To cries of 'bitch monkey,' house slang for 'bum boy' he went on, 'If their application is later successful, they will pay 20% of their earnings into a government slush fund.'
The revelation provoked uproar in the House of Commons with Leader of the Opposition Ed Milliband leading the assault.
'This ruling bears all the hall marks of a bungled attempt at sex on the heath. You've hurriedly taken your pants down and just as there is an uprising in middle England, he asks you for a health cert before the member can enter the house.'
The Work and Pensions Secretary dismissed the allegory as
'a waste of taxpayers time and money,' and requested that 'sex on the heath' be added to the Commons bar cocktail list, one in pink and one in blue.