Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 11 November 2010

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"Have you seen what those EU bastards..."

British national newspaper, the Daily Express, came under fire from health experts today as hospitals braced themselves for a new wave of exploding heads.

The self styled 'world's greatest newspaper' is frequently given as the cause when victims arrive at hospital with the syndrome.

"People get so angry at Express reports about ASBOs, immigrants, European Union spending and so on," said consultant Alexander Moist-Leveret, of the Top British Surgeons Institute.

"The paper needs to take a step back and consider the type of stories it covers and the way it presents them."

As an example, Mr Moist-Leveret pointed out today's article 'EU's shameful waste as we suffer spending crackdown.'

The story mentions the £13,663 given to Tyrolean farmers 'to boost their emotional connection with the landscape.'

"When you couple that story with a column by Leo McKinstry arguing that we should get out of the European Union, and reports of the rioting students yesterday, you can see that it means trouble for those whose heads are prone to explode," said Mr Moist-Leveret.

"I feel for the relatives of the victims, but my real concern is for the hard-working staff at our hospitals who have to clean up the aftermath, when it could so easily be avoided."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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