Written by Philip Wright
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Thursday, 11 November 2010

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"Like two days to live or something,"

Ronald Rolls, car salesman and former fat man, has sued the weightloss group "WeightBreakers" after they helped him shed a staggering 40stone.

Mr Rolls began life at a healthy 9lbs but ballooned to over 52stone by the time he was forty. Doctors gave him, "Like two days to live or something," unless he lost a dramatic amount of weight.

Dr. Polo, Mr Rolls' long-suffering doctor, booked a forklift truck to carry his huge patient along to Mrs. Murray's WeightBreakers meeting in Whitby, for an intensive diet and exercise program.

After removing the double-doors, Mr Rolls was literally rolled into the meeting, where he stayed for nearly three months. Mrs Murray popped in every Tuesday and Saturday to change Mr Rolls' straw and provide him with more salad to eat.

"It was like having a rabbit." She quipped. "Our meetings were on Tuesdays so he got to talk to people then. Life just went on around him really. It was like having an elephant in the room... literally..."

After the three gruelling months, Mr Rolls had dropped down to a healthy 12stone and was finally allowed to leave the WeightBreakers meeting to start his fresh life.

Sadly for the born-again thin man, life wasn't lived happily ever after.

Mr Rolls began to desperately miss his access tub, complaining of being cold, miserable and, "no longer big enough to be considered jolly."

He has now set about suing his Doctor and WeightBreakers for forcing him to lose weight when he was perfectly happy with his much chunkier physique.

"I didn't ask to lose weight! I didn't want to lose weight! Ok, so I would have died... but you know, I had a good life, being fat was my thing. I was every group's token ginger fat fella... that was me. What do I have now? Enough loose skin to smother a rhino, that's what. My identity is gone."

The lawsuit is thought to be a six figure sum.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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