The humble bushcricket has been clicking so much over the centuries because, in proportion to body weight, it has the largest testicles per body mass in the world at 13.8%.
A human equivalent would have two tyres between his legs. However, these gonads do not produce more sperm but store so much they can impregnate a large number of female crickets.
Cricketers, named after these highly sexed specimens, feel let down because, in comparison they have pretty pathetic balls. Ian Botham, famed as 'one of the lads', said he would have found it difficult to field in the slips with two tyres between his legs but he might have caught more balls.
The hunt is now on for the creature that has the largest penis per body mass. Initial findings have located several humans with very long pricks, whose treatment to achieve a longer penis has gone sadly wrong.
John Sharp has a long prick that drags behind him. It gets trodden on by people passing by when Sharp yells in pain 'Mind where you put yor feet!'
'Sorry mate, thought it was dog shit' is a customary reply.
Going to the toilet causes problems for Sharp as his prick sometimes descends down the hole with other people's piss.
He fears that one day he will not be able to drag the organ out of the hole.
His wife was in despair. 'My God, what a Whopper' she exclaimed when she first sighted the object approaching. Eventually she found if John was at the bottom of the stairs and she was at the top she had ample satisfaction.
If you know of a bigger penis please get in touch with the Science Laboratory Test Facilities near Dagenham Station.