Written by IainB
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Wednesday, 10 November 2010

image for UKIP reveal their plans for reducing the national debt

A leaked memo from UKIP, the United Kingdom Independence Party, has revealed how the minority party intends to reduce the British deficit.

The party, which ironical has several European MPs despite it's purported aim of taking Britain out of Europe, has a long held manifesto that is anti-European in every regard. However, a memo from leader Nigel Farage to chair Paul Nuttal, has shown a deviation from this policy in order to free Britain from it's national debt.

"Basically," said Emma Peewatch, editor of Inside Politics magazine, "they plan to buy a Euro-Millions lottery ticket each week. This would reduce the deficit by one percent each week, if they won the jackpot every week."

Given that the odds against winning are higher than the odds given by bookies for the Second Coming of Christ arriving on Santa's Sleigh being driven by Elvis Presley are about half that of the lottery win, this is unlikely.

Farage was quick to defend the policy though.

"The actual memo says that we would buy ten tickets a week," said Farage. "Which makes us ten times as likely to win. That's simple maths that is. To me this seems like a cheep way to get the deficit down, whilst taking the money from the other European nations. That's a win-win situation in my book."

Strangely, this policy has not been ridiculed by the other parties, leading many to speculate that all of them have considered doing it. Indeed, Nick Clegg was spotted in Tesbury's buying ten Euro-Millions tickets, though he denies it was for the national debt, and was purely to bolster his already large fortune. Clegg also added that he had not bought the tickets on his expenses, despite that question not even being asked.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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