Five bishops are to join the Roman Catholic Church under a Vatican scheme intended to provide a welcome for sexually disaffected Anglicans.
The move involves three serving bishops and two retarded bishops, who say they are 'trading faiths' because 'the sex is better.'
The Vatican has said groups of Anglicans, no less than five in number, can join Catholicism and continue their sexual predilections by maintaining a distinct religious identity. In this instance unprotected homosexual sex in supermarket car parks.
Archbishop of Canterbury, Rowan Williams said the resignations were a 'regret' and that his weekly shop 'would never seem as urgent again.'
The identities of the bishops involved have not been released but a joint statement has been issued.
'It is with empty sacks and sore balls that we announce our decision to leave the Anglican Church. We can't thank the Archbishop of Canterbury enough for his understanding. He is a truly wonderful man but we made it clear to him that we felt nothing was taboo any more, and that the frisson of illicitness had gone from the Church. The buzz just wasn't there any more.'
They went on to say that they felt that the Vatican's proposal of a new structure called an ordinariate was an offer to good to refuse. 'Joining the Catholic Church will bring with it a feeling of naughtiness. Everybody knows that sex is better under duress.'
Fears that the two retarded bishops had been coerced into the pact to meet the numerical quota required to swap faiths were dispelled with a rampant display of man bagging in a popular supermarket in Acton.
'It was a solid performance, which left nothing to the imagination and even less for the customers.'