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Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for Experts confirm "lembit opik" species facing extinction after last surviving member ponders survivalist challenge
the last survivor

LONDON, UK: At a Human Survival conference held here yesterday, anthropologists and paleontologists alike confirmed the potential extinction of yet another species. Despite a rare sighting of possibly the last surviving member of the tribe, experts were unanimous in their assessment. The lembit opik species is literally on its last legs.

Famous human anthropologist Jane Goodheavens who has studied the lembit opik for decades told reporters:

"I'm very sorry to have to tell you that the antics of the last surviving member of the lembit opik spells disaster. I've lived and worked among the lembit opik and what I'm seeing right now in terms of behavior shows an evolutionary regression".

Ms. Goodheavens said part of the problem was the "excessive urbanization of the lembit opik".

Asked if the species could somehow be extricated from the jaws of impending extinction, Ms. Goodheavens said:

"Well....the lembit opik needs to go back to the jungle to toughen up...."

Other concerned lembit opik supporters concurred, suggesting a toughening-up survivalist regime with the Gurkhas or possibly a Celebrity show in the jungles of Brunei

Speaking through an interpreter, in a guttural tongue [that will soon disappear], the last surviving lembit opik grunted, displaying a great sense of humor:

"Oog oog erg arg - ik oook arf um ooog"

Translation: "I think people don't need to hold their breath about this. I have always said I would like to do a show like that but as far as I know it's by invitation only and I am not sure I am in the league to be asked to do something like that.

"I have been rumored to be going in for four years now and I am not sure I have the celebrity profile for it. It's always talked about, every year there is the same speculation about me ...."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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