Written by Juan Blood
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Topics: Ann Widdecombe

Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for Boyo Bales and Widicombe are an item?
Bales believed Wijjicombe thinks he is a Greek god

One of Soccer's rising star and one of politics's heavier heavyweight meet and it looks like a lurv match.

Despite scoring a hat-trick against European champions Inta Harry "the spiv " Rednapp claims the welsh wizard is not yet the finished product. Rednapp points to the fact that Welsh players of yesteryear could sprint with a sack of coal on their backs, something Brayle seems unable to do even though he is given a 50m start in a 100m race.

Enough of this however, this reporter was at a recent meeting of the Spurs fanzine in which Gaarow Bales( of straw) answered questions by the press. Harry Rednapp was present as was David Levy the Spurs chairman.

Speaking in a mock north London accent Garoo revealed his passions and what he does away from football. He said he liked running after sheep - something he did in the valleys as a boy when they couldn't afford a football, he credits it with improving his speed and stamina. Brailles also likes Rugby or Ruggerbee as he likes to call it, he smiled as he said he likes to put the tackle in above the knee or from behind when playing womens rugby.

Gareth likes a hearty welsh breakfast of hay and carrots ("none of this English rubbish of milk and cornflakes")

Gareth was asked if he had made friends with other players. He said Rooney had offered to guide him through the pitfalls of big time soccer. Infact Wayne had invited him to Mancheter, Wayne would slip away from "Butterlegs" Colleen to show him what Manchester nightlife was all about.

Rooney hinted they would start off with one or two old slappers then go to a casino, they would also go in disguise to a well known doggin site ( with a chance to join in ) before ending the night with top of the range strippers at £30 a bang.

Asked if he had friends outside of Tottehham he replied John Terry and Ashley Cole had been in touch but Harry Redknapp had warned him saying" They are flash bastards who will grope your girlfriend behind your back and when she's got her legs up in the air, go local if even if they are from boring Highbury "

Asked if he had a girlfriend Brailles looked sheepishly at Redknapp before shouting "YES, Anne Widdecombe". Some fans clapped, others started crying and left the interview their hankies heavy with snot. Gareth said not many people knew he was in a relationship with Anne and he would like to keep it that way.

He spoke of their liason but would not say where they first met.He described Annie as being gentle and kind, curvaceous with thunderous thighs and hips so broad when she locked those legs around you you would pass out unless you had quickly taken a deep breath of air. Once those legs are locked she starts howling which sends a shiver down the spine. Brayles mentioned this to the boss who advised him to wear a waist corset to stop the bed collapsing and his balls popping when she was on top of him.

This talk of Harry inspiring me is bollocks said Bales, its Anne. I'd like to marry Anne one day when she has matured a bit more. Too give it a romantic edge we would elope to Gretna Greene.

He revealed when he retired from football he would like to go into politics ( don't know where he got that idea from )

STUPID BOYO! shouted Rednapp, get away from the microphone. You talk of Sheep and mention Rooney and Widdecombe. So long as you are banging them in I dont care what you do, pity the rest of the first team aren't like you.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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