Written by Sidney Bollocks

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Sunday, 7 November 2010

image for A pound an hour to shovel shit

In its latest crackdown on the workshy, the UK government is planning compulsory 'community work placements', paid at a pound an hour.

Under these plans, the long term unemployed, and those deemed to have sabotaged all efforts to find them work, will be forced to attend work for 30-40 hours over a one month period. Failure to do so will result in the total withdrawal of benefits, period.

The government believes this will significantly reduce the welfare bill.

Work and Pensions Minister, Ian Dumbass Smythe, said "We plan to make these people shovel shit. Britain has a surplus of shit which we need to do something about. There is a mountain of shit at Westminster.

"If we don't tackle it soon, we'll have all sorts of bastards wanting to climb it and stick a fucking flag on top of it. When they have finished at Westminster, there is another mountain of shit in Brussels which needs dealing with. Although, as it is their only mountain, the Belgians look likely to declare it a national park and allow people to graze goats on it. We'll have to wait and see".

In the meantime, MPs have voted unanimously to do their bit to reduce the country's soaring deficit. In an historic parliamentary division, there was cross party agreement to work for the minimum wage, to forego all allowances and to pay their expenses out of their own pockets.

In addition, MPs will also spend their weekends shovelling shit, albeit at a more leisurely pace.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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