Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, of Brokeback Mansions, Portsmouth today revealed how he had become desperate after being plagued by phone calls from telemarketers based on the Indian sub-continent.
An irate Shuttlecock described how telemarketing calls from hell had interrupted his favourite activities, such as watching Coronation Street, having a bath, plucking a chicken, making rice pudding, getting beer from the fridge and fish stretching.
Finally, at his wits end, a harrassed Shuttlecock made the groundbreaking decision to get his own back.
Shuttlecock describes what happened in his own words:
"The phone rang, and some bloke asked for Martin Shuttlecock. He sounded Indian. So I said thank God he's called and what's he going to do about my knees? That threw the bugger. He said pardon me, and I said Me knees is killing me. I'm in agony here. I'm having real problems getting upstairs and Russian dancing is out of the question. So he asked me what was up with me knees, and I told him they were killing me. Then he started prattling on about insurance, so I butted in and asked if he wanted me to insure me knees? He said I couldn't insure me knees with him, so I asked him to send me some pills. He said I should see a doctor. I told him my doctor is a right quack and asked him about ointment or pills for me knees. He rang off then. After telling me he hoped I got me knees sorted out. Truth is - there's nowt wrong wiv me knees! Heh-heh! Sorted!"
More as we get it.