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Thursday, 4 November 2010

image for A Portrait of the UK Government?
William Hague, as he might look

David Cameron, yesterday revealing that he is to use £35k a year of taxpayers money to hire 'vanity photographer' Andrew Parsons, today says that this will not be enough.

Having had extensive talks with Cherie Blair he is now prepared for the country to finance his own personal portrait painter, Alice Instone, for the princely sum of £1.5m a year. And that is per portrait.

Cameron says, "Ms. Instone did such a fantastic job portraying Cherie as Eleanor of Aquitaine, the wealthy and fascinating queen of the Middle Ages, and one of the most powerful women the world has ever seen, that I feel it can only do my reputation good by offering her the job of 'Personal Portrait Painter'."

The Spoof understands that Mr. Cameron's first sitting is to be directly after Prime Minister's Questions next Wednesday. Although it still is a closely-guarded secret a source close to the P.M. has told us that he is likely to be represented as either Jesus Christ or Attila the Hun.

This, in itself, is concerning enough to the British taxpayer. But now, exclusively, the Spoof can reveal that this courtesy is to be extended to the entire Government.

The Spoof can reveal that the next portrait after Cameron will be his own Deputy, Nick Clegg. Clegg is thought to favour being portrayed as David Cameron.

Other Government Ministers are also lining up for the one and a half million opportunity, notably George Osbourne (Chancellor) as Dick Turpin, William Hague (Foreign Secretary) as Margaret Thatcher and Eric Pickles (Communities Secretary) as Billy Bunter.

Danny Alexander (Treasury Secretary) is understood to have declined, although he IS accepting a personal makeover as everybody knows it's every ginger's wish to go grey early.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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