A new study has revealed that the coalition government is on course to be the greenest government in the world, ever. It also reveals that far from selling all LibDem members and supporters down the river for a whiff of power, Nick Smegma in fact insisted that green issues were as important to his members as electoral reform and that he could not join forces with Cameltoe unless this was taken into account.
The study reports that with so many people losing their jobs, they will not be able to afford cars, as they won't get any benefits, and even if they have cars they will be unable to afford fuel, with fuel duty persistently rising. They won't really need public transport either with no job, no prospects and no life. Which is a good job really, because public transport will be pretty much nonexistent. Eventually they will be forced onto the street having had their homes repossessed and being unable to rent anywhere without adequate housing benefit. Thus fewer showers will be taken, less heating will be used, and TV and computer usage will plummet.
The next stage of the crusade for a greener Britain is to force companies to use less packaging on their goods. This will be done by means of charging a duty on cardboard boxes above a certain size, with certainty in the knowledge that people are desperate for boxes to live in, so the demand will always be there and those lucky enough to be able to buy anything can rent the boxes out, thus fulfilling the need for affordable accomodation.