Despite a two month delay before the NEW Republican Congress will be installed, a relieved Air Force Command began to dismantle FORMER House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's private jet and restore it to functionality.
Having spent over $2m of taxpayer money in the past two years to convey her, her family and donors back and forth to San Francisco, with 'rest stops' in the Med, the Caribbean, American Samoa, France and Italy, the Air Force said service for the NEW speaker of the House will revert to "previously authorized use of Air Force equipment and 'normal & rational' support for the speaker."
According to reports from enlisted personnel working on the decommissioning, they will be tasked with a host of remodeling projects:
· Removal of the Bidet in the Master Bathroom
· Removal of the Massage and "Therapy Table" in the Master Suite
· Removal of the temperature controlled 500 bottle 'wine cellar'
· Dismantling of the 300 square foot walk in closet featuring an Imelda Marcos dessigned 'shoe dispenser.'
· Removal of the King Sized, ermine trimmed Lazy Boy Recliner from which Pelosi held court
· Removal of Wall to Wall Mirrors in the self styled "Throne Room"
· Replacement of the Jamie Oliver designed kitchen and replacement by installing one micro wave, and a plug in of one (1) Mr. Coffee maker and an
apartment sized cooler for prepackaged sandwiches.
· Removal of the elaborate China and Cut Glass Crystal custom Ordered by Pelosi which will be boxed, and put up for auction on eBay.
· Removal of the hand woven Persian Rugs and new installation of "press & stick' tiles purchased from Home Depot.
Due to the reconfiguration of the plane, the fuel tanks previously taken out to accommodate Pelosi's life style demands, will be replaced, allowing the plane to fly non stop to the UK and back without refueling.
Any liquor consumed by the new speaker or guests will be strictly BYO eliminating the need for the standby by bartender, and the fully stocked liqueur and champagne bar.
Said Air Force Staff Sergeant Mike "Knuckles" Barkowski, "For the first time in two years I'm proud to serve in the American Air Force!"