Written by Andy Tattersall
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Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Government to fly UK Population to see Climate Change First Hand

The Government has reinforced its pledge to tackle climate change despite sweeping financial cuts since coming into power last May. Speaking at The University of Bridlington, Nick Clegg said : "That it was time that the people of this country saw the impact of our society on the environment first hand."

Clegg unveiled the Government's audacious plans to fly every tax-paying adult and a large number of school children, pensioners and the unemployed to Greenland and parts of the world effected by climate change. The Coalition have already identified 26 Government bodies and trusts that will be scrapped to pay for the scheme.

The Deputy-Leader of the Coalition spoke of a real need for people to see how much air travel was at the heart of the growing problem. Plans were also given to re-instate retired military transport planes in addition to the fleet of Concords that had recently been put in storage to carry out the task.

Clegg said: "Obviously, not everyone wants to fly, so we will facilitate ships, with patio heaters on them to keep everyone warm once we hit colder waters." Clegg went on to say: "There are those out there who doubt whether climate change is actually happening, but I know that after building several air strips on these ice sheets and a few dozen ports, only to see them sink into the sea when we turn the under floor heating on, we know already time is running out."

Plans to build a fun park on the southern tip of the Arctic ice sheet are also afoot, so children can learn about why it is important that we preserve our natural environment, whilst their parents can overlook the park from the 26 luxury hotels they plan to construct once the problem of polar bears in the area has been eradicated.

The deputy-leader closed his presentation to local business leaders by saying: This is not just a one-off, our commitment and resolve is permanent, already we are planning an mass educational scheme to show the UK people the effects of climate change on The Amazon. Right now, we have a team of people investigating the possibility of clearing large tracts of jungle to make way for air strips and air-conditioned educational fun parks. The plan will be to remove any dangerous animals and tribes before we can get on to the real issue of preventing a real catastrophe."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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