Local man, Martin Shuttlecock was left amazed, astounded, aghast, when his long suffering wife, Anne, announced that she had discovered a miracle cure for a soft tissue injury in her left knee.
Microwaved on full power for 30 seconds.
Apparently the hot damp leaves ease muscular pain, and it really works. Anne told us that last week she was hobbling about fit for nought but a zimmer frame, and that this week - thanks to the hot cabbage leaf treatment - she's recreating the zombie dance from Michael Jackson's 'Thriller' video.
Anne claims that she discovered the miracle cure from a scrap of paper she'd scribbled a note on in an old unused handbag. She said that the miracle cure was based on an old Chinese herbal cure for aches and sprains, but involving cabbage leaves rather than seaweed.
Martin Shuttlecock was unimpressed, describing the technique as a 'waste of good cabbage.'
As he called for his dinner. Again.
Anne insisted that the miracle cure is a 'goer' and stated that she was thinking of applying some hot microwaved cabbage leaves to Shuttlecock's notoriously bad back.
So he can do the sex thing again. Without moaning.
We spoke to Martin Shuttlecock, but he simply told us to eff off.
Anne reckons he's a gobshite, and at the last count, she admitted she was contemplating stuffing some hot microwaved cabbage leaves up Shuttlecock's anal passage.
"That'll sort the miserable bastard out," she told Skoob News.
The local greengrocer is said to be frantically laying his hands on as many Savoy cabbages as he can get his hands on, after Shuttlecock revealed that his long suffering wife has really big knees. On both legs.
More as we get it.