London - (Big Bang Theory 2): The National Poisons Unit DNA test's a shocker and leaves Prime Monster Cameron shitting bricks this weekend.
"Bloody Sordid Arabian relatives of yours, Dave," a breastfeeding Sam Cam moaned at lunchtime, "there'll be hell to pay for if the redtops find out."
Meanwhile an emergency session of COBRA has seen cabinet snake-in-the-grass Dame Pauline Neville Jones ousted from SigInt meet-ups on grounds of national insecurity.
Last year she claimed failed Nigerian underpants bomber Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab was a puppet of Cameron's cousin Ibby.
That branch of the family is also suspected of dozens of pyrotechnic outrages from Dar Es Salaam to Hackney Marshes.
Prince Harry's IQ is 69.