Wednesday. Manchester. UK. Community leaders in Salford, the Manchester suburb, have today announced ambitious new plans to combat the alarming rise in crimes amongst teenage youths.
Manchester, which is twinned with Mosul and Beirut, has suffered a recent upsurge in violence from its younger population with an increasing number of attacks on innocent adults by gangs. Famously the local Police Chief Superintendent, David Baines, recently warned that that the area was infested with ‘gangs of feral youths running wild' - a reference to the large number of hooded-top wearing little brats who terrorise and abuse those poor, innocent people they meet on the streets.
"We're planning to set up an exchange between ourselves and a fedayeen outfit, based just outside of Baghdad," said David McDavids at a press conference this morning, "A group of Salford kids will ‘bed-in' with some hardened terrorists at a secret location near the Iraqi capital and in turn we'll have some Ba'athists, murderers and cut-throats staying in our community centre - most people will hardly notice the difference. We feel that our kids could impart some of their skills to the insurgents during their visit - they're experts in car-jacking, extortion and evading the authorities. In the same way we hope to learn something from the evil little sods that come over here - like how to set up effective bogus roadblocks."
Many of the kids who are to be involved in the scheme were understandably excited at the news today: ‘It's great,' said Danny, a 13 year old scumbag who lists sniffing glue and robbery amongst his hobbies, ‘we'll get to blow things up and shoot at Americans. If we do that at home the rozzers don't like it much." However, the story wasn't anywhere near the same in Iraq. One ruthless insurgent, who asked not to be identified, expressed severe reservations about the whole exercise: ‘I am not so sure about this - I've heard Manchester is very violent, and they have outside toilets which quite frankly I find disgusting. I'd rather stay here, at least my hubcaps are safe.'