Written by j.w.
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Topics: Boris Johnson

Thursday, 28 October 2010

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Boris not Tempted by Hair Offer

Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, is causing problems for the Government. By calling the policy of a removal of poor people from expensive flats in London 'ethnic cleansing', Boris is sounding like a member of the Labour Party.

In characteristic fashion Boris announced: 'What do they think I'm going to do? Plan my own execution as Mayor in the next election? I can't wait until 2015 or whenever it is, to get re-elected like the Government. I've got Ken Livingstone to face up to in 2012 and not even the Labour Party can face up to Ken!'

Tory plans are forming on how to move Boris on and cleanse the capital's Mayoralaty. They are taking two approaches. Boris is being offered various carrots - a place in the House of Lords, a Knighhood or a Hair Stylist. If he doesn't succumb to any of these these proposals then the stick can be brought to bear. There are plenty of Public School Back Benchers with experience of this approach.

'We've got to get him with his trousers down' guffawed Sir Terminal Clobber 'preferably with a young damsel in his arms. Then we organise a photo for our friends in the media.'

However Boris is able to handle these two approaches. He likes his dishevelled hair, he would rather be a Dustman than a member of the House of Lords and a Knighthood is a handle he doesn't need. As for the sweet darlings falling into his arms - he needs no help on that score and he has secret hideaways in London which no photographer could find.

So the Tory Press release now in the hands of a politcal journalist states: 'Our friend Boris Johnson has spotted a weakness in our plans. We are grateful for his frank approach on the subject of ethnic cleansing and will be revising the policy with his assistance in the near future.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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