Wayne Rooney has astounded his friends, family, Sir Alex Ferguson and the scientific community. In a completely selfless act, Rooney has donated his brain for medical research.
Rooney said "They gave me some forms to put me mark on, saying they could take me brain when I snuff it. I told 'em they didn't have to wait that long, they could have it now. If I'm honest, I can't remember ever 'aving used it. I won't be needing it again, I've got a mother-in-law".
Professor Tommy Codpiece, Director of the Toxteth Institute of Medical Research, said "People must not underestimate the value of this. This is like finding a long lost Tonka toy, in its original box and which has never been played with".
The Professor went on to say that, whilst they would have a quick look at Rooney's brain, they expected to learn absolutely fuck all from it. However, he did say that it would make a nice door stop for his office door.
Sir Alex Ferguson said "We'll rest him on Saturday, but beyond that, we don't expect this to have any impact on the boy or his game".