According to recently released figures from the DFFA* nobody in the UK has the slightest idea what they're doing, much less why they're doing whatever it is that they're doing.
One field study revealed that a man in a supermarket, hovering by the spice shelves, actually believed he was pruning roses in his own back garden.
When this was clearly not the case, as subsequent investigations revealed that he was merely examining the options offered by coriander - a catch all spice that seems to work, whatever the user bungs it in.
Apparently, one man, spotted in a gymnasium actually thought he was on a Leeds bound train, as opposed to doing what he actually was doing - pedalling an exercise bike like the clappers and going nowhere.
Why the man wanted to go to Leeds in the first place remains a mystery.
It seems that confusion is endemic in the UK - nobody appears to know what they're supposed to be doing, because whatever that may be, they aren't actually doing it.
They're usually doing something else, totally unrelated.
Independent research implies that anyone who doesn't really have a clue what they're doing should speak in a loud voice and be assertive.
That'll sort it.
Either that or just establish the fact to the independent observer that if you haven't got a clue what you're doing, then you're a complete knob head.
Which is probably an accurate assessment.
But staff here at Skoob News don't have a clue what they're doing either. So it kind of balances itself out.
In the long run. With all this breaking news and stuff.
More as we get it.
Or more as we don't get it.
*DFFA - Department For Fucking and Farting About.