Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Wednesday, 27 October 2010

image for Coleen Rooney's Bosom - Where Did They Come From?
Our photoghrapher has been sacked - ed.

While they've been sunning themselves in Dubai, Wayne and Coleen Rooney have obviously been under scrutiny.

The couple are trying to patch up their marriage and Wayne needs to get his head together after last week's bizarre series of events in which he said he wanted to leave Manchester United, but then stayed - with a massive pay rise.

But the real thing the world's press wants to know is: how is Coleen's bosom coming along?

Well, they've had a great opportunity to give the Rooney bust the once-over as she suns herself in a bikini.

One observer told us; "They definitely seem to be bigger. Both breasts - equally so. I would definitely say that was the case.

"You know, it's a really dull, boring job, but someone has to do it.

"I've examined them through my long range lenses and from all angles and Coleen's tits are bigger than they were. For sure.

"I don't know why this should be the case, but there you have it - or them. Larger is what they are."

To be certain, we approached another snapper sent to Dubai by a British newspaper.

He said: "Coleen's knockers. Oh yeah - definitely larger. No doubt.

"I've had a good look and what they are is bigger. Who knows why."

We showed some photographs to our gossip columnist, Janice Crucible.

"Ooh, lucky Coleen! They are bigger - without a doubt. I would say so.

"Oh yes, both of them have definitely increased in volume. She may have gone up a cup size. Good for her.

"Bigger, indeed."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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