Written by Nick Hobbs
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Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for Shock: Katie Price "Becoming An Orange" Say Docs
A sample of Katie Price's blood, today.

In shock news today, doctors at the Institute For Fruit Related Human Crossover Sciences revealed that Katie Price has been diagnosed with Orangitus.

The rare disease is thought to be triggered by an overuse of certain tanning agents. The main ingredient in many cheaper tanning lotions is orange peel. As the lotion is applied a certain amount of toxins are released into the blood.

Usually, anti-oranging cells in the human body resist the virulent takeover that would naturally occur in lesser species, such as slugs and D-list celebrities, but because of Miss Price's almost twice daily application of industrial strength lotions, these cells have been totally wiped out.

This has made the buxom tartlet susceptible to the dangers of orangisation. Given a year, maybe less, the transformation will be complete. Price will become an orange.

Former victim, George Hamilton, stressed his worry for the aging celebrity. "I truly know the dangers of over oranging. It's no fun, believe me. Oh, sure, you start out loving the look, but once it takes over your body, you'd give anything, and I mean anything just be a bit pasty again!"

Hamilton was brought back from the brink, several years ago, by the same team of doctors as Price has employed today. Although he still shows the tell-tale glow of one who's over-oranged. "She's in the best of care," said Hamilton, "she just needs some luck, God willing."

Miss Price is to undergo antifruitolgy radiation therapy, a rather painful and soul destroying process. Side effects include sickness, diahorrea and, most upsetting of all, it renders your body totally invisible to camera lenses. So Price will be out of the limelight (or should that be orangelight?) for some months to come.

When asked what Prices chances were Doctor Fizzog said "about 50-50, I mean let's face it, we keep being told that the future's bright, the future's orange! In her case, it's positively that simple."

Alex Reid is thought to be beside himself with worry. Not for Katie though, but for himself. He too has spent many years oranging, and has recently become seriously over-oranged. His body has taken on such a bright glow, that fellow celebrities often refer to him, behind his back, as the 'Ready Brek Kid'.

Reid however maintains he has never used fake tanning lotions. His tan is all natural. As we all know the sun shines on the righteous, and it's obviously burningly righteous in Surrey.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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