Written by Bill Licks
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Topics: Flying, Monkey

Sunday, 24 October 2010

image for Passenger jet piloted by chimpanzee
No one believed a monkey could fly

Passengers on a budget airline were shocked to discover that a flight they took from Spain to Luton was temporarily piloted by a chimpanzee.

The 23 year old chimp called Trevor was spotted by passengers sitting in the cockpit wearing a pilot's hat as they disembarked from the Boeing 737.

'I couldn't believe my eyes' said Sheila Ferguson from Watford. 'I don't normally look at the pilot when I leave the plane but the flight was so rough that I just had to check out who was flying it.'

'At first I thought the pilot was just very hairy but then I noticed he appeared to be smearing shit all over the cockpit window which isn't normal pilot behaviour as far as I know.'

'So I took a closer look and I realized the pilot was actually a chimpanzee. I know this is a budget airline but I didn't think they literally paid peanuts and got monkeys to fly their planes.'

Another passenger also spotted the chimp in the cockpit. 'The flight was one of the bumpiest I've ever been on' said Malcolm Redgrave from St Albans 'but I just thought we'd hit some bad turbulence flying over the Bay of Biscay.'

'Now that I know the plane was being flown by a chimp I assume it just got over excited when it saw the throttle and started jumping up and down it and rubbing its monkey arse all over the instrument panel.'

'I'm a firm believer in equal opportunities and giving everyone a fair chance, but surely putting the lives of 200 people in the hands of a creature that spends most of the time using its hands to peel bananas and picking its nose is a bit extreme.'

'However, I did have my suspicions this wasn't a normal flight when I asked for the head steward to complain about my coffee being cold and I was greeted by an orang-utan who dealt with my complaint by waving its arms in the air and showing me its testicles.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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