Written by KendoMonkey
Print this
Topics: Government, british

Wednesday, 3 September 2003

image for "Citizenship Classes" to teach Hooliganism
Wotchyoo lookin at?

Under new government proposals, asylum seekers reaching the pearly gates of Dover will be forced to take David Blunkett's new "Citizenship Classes" before being accepted as British Citizens.

Under the new rules, asylum seekers will now have to learn to "...destroy public property, vandalise people's cars" and take lessons at "bottle-stabbing".

The proposals suggest that all incomers 'do as we do', and take a four-week course in mindless violence, the final week of which is to be spent partying in Falaraki.

After the four week training period, anyone who wishes to remain in Britain can do so legally, as a British Citizen.

"It's going to be brill!" said Mr Blunkett. "The best thing will be that they'll quickly learn English properly, getting used to phrases like: 'Wotchyoo lookin at?' and 'You're havin' a giraffe!'"

Blunkett's proposals have been criticised as 'short-sighted'.

Make KendoMonkey's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 4 multiplied by 3?

2 12 11 14
68 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more