Scotland - (Hunt for Red October Mess): Hundreds of years of Scottish mythology had attributed sightings of a scary Loch prowler to a fishy local monster.
This weekend a Pentagon eye-in-the-sky satellite
finally nailed down the location of a missing Russian Akula class submarine menacing British territorial waters.
The vessel had been lured into Loch Ness's cavernous depths by a state-of-the-art homing beacon that scrambled its on-board computer controls using the Stuxnet virus.
Admiralty intelligence sources said today the craft 'had been spotted going round and round in circles' in Loch Ness's murky waters, its conning tower looking suspiciously like legendary Nessie's raised head.
The vessel had been lying in wait to rendezvous with a Colombian-registered sub carrying Moscow's Xmas party supplies.
Its meet-up coordinates had been emailed from onboard the Queen's Western Isles summer cruise party this July 'from someone in the cash-strapped House of Windsor family'.
"Probably Wills or Harry," the Admiralty spokesperson source explained, "they're on a 10% cut in lieu of expenses."
Ex-KGB spookette Anna Chapman is 69.