The government have proposed to implement a 'child ban' throughout the whole of England and Wales. Current laws mean that children can freely roam the streets, live in houses and flats, attend schools, play on swings and generally be a temptation to paedophiles . Under the new legislation, children will no longer be allowed in the country, and existing citizens under the age of 18 will be sent to live in Bangladesh.
Government minister Alice Spring states 'If there are no children, then paedophilia will be completely obliterated. We are also making moves to ban them from appearing on the television and even the radio. Sometimes even the sound of a minor's voice is enough to get one going.'
The move will not be a popular one amongst paedophiles. Career child-molester, Henry DuMonkton, says the new law is not ideal.
'Until now, I was freely able to leer at small children. Once this law has been implemented, I'll have to just look at them on the internet. This is not ideal.'