Written by Morse
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Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Shock as Rooney Signs 5 year Deal with Man U and Rest of Team Quits in Protest!
Wayne Rooney's Only Fan Shows Up to Celebrate Signing.

In a late breaking news with all the facts not in, reports have surfaced that petulant potato faced Wayne Rooney has signed a new 5 year contract with Manchester United.

A teary eyed Colleen, his wife and child hood sweetheart, said the sudden change of heart had nothing to do with the impromptu storming of their castle last night where Man U supporters demanded an explanation for the Shagging Soccer Star trashing his own team, and threatening to leave for rival Man City.

The CID forensic team was on site at the Rooney estate, which he uses mostly to house his collection of exotic cars, and had bagged a number of Blue Soccer Jerseys caked in what appeared to be BLOOD, a not so subtle threat against Rooney's aspirations to move to the RED's hated cross town rival.

Members of the Council of Ministers and Human Rights Enforcers were also on the scene and said they would treat the incident as a hate crime, if, as rumoured, the blood turned out to be that of a pig which would be an insult to an unnamed religious group in violation of EU mandates.

Meanwhile Rooney's former team mates who shunned him yesterday when he showed up to pick up his check since he had trashed them over their abilities in national tabloids, all cleared out their lockers today and vowed they would never take the pitch again as long as that "fooking ignorant chav wears the RED jersey!"

Rising star Javier Hernandez led the 19 first teamers in the walkout, and said
"Hey...who wants to play with a selfish BASTARD like that! We've got a great deal with Liverpool now, and the new Boston owners are set to turn the league on it's ear...we'll be an all new team by Nov 2 when we kick the shit out of Bolton...good thing really, them signing Rooney....made it easier to move on!"

RED coach Sir Alex Ferguson said the walkout was 'unfortunate', but that he and "Roon" would be at Volverhampton Nov.6 to take on the challenge....."We may be outnumbered, but Wayne's got real heart....the match will probably be decided by a penalty kick and my money's on him....!

A relieved Colleen is said to have taken herself 'shopping.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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