Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Topics: Wayne Rooney

Friday, 22 October 2010

image for Rooney's future in the hands of his mother-in-law
Yes Colette, no Colette, three bags full Colette

In an intriguing insight into the world of Wayne Rooney, it has emerged that it is his mother-in-law, Colette, who holds court and reigns supreme. Forget Sir Alex Ferguson and Rooney's agent, they are mere bystanders in the drama which is unfolding; it is Colette who has him by the balls.

A friend of the family (which appears to be an ever shrinking number of people) told us how Colette responded, when 'the boy' said he fancied a new start in Madrid. The insider described how Colette went ballistic, screaming "You'll not be taking my daughter, and my grandson, to fucking Spain. My grandson is not going to grow up eating fucking paella. Besides, only common people go to Spain. You can find a club in England to play for".

The friend went on to say, "Wazza is fooking terrified of Colette. When he got caught with them slags, he wasn't afraid of the press or old Fergy, but fuck me, he was shitting himself at the thought of what Colette was gonna do to him. He didn't know which way to run".

Meanwhile, all has gone quiet at Old Trafford. A press officer said they were waiting for Colette to come back from the hairdressers, in order that negotiations could continue.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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