Written by Don Merlot
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Topics: Terrorism, Taliban, Bombs

Thursday, 21 October 2010

image for Taliban Assemble Bomb for Sky News - Bomb Gets Own Show
Maimin' Holmes - a similar name, a similar build... but a new era in broadcasting.

A roadside bomb that a Taliban fighting unit planted to kill British troops, has been given a job on Sky News.

Sky executives, having seen footage of the Improvised Explosive Device (IED) being planted by the Taliban during a Sky News report, thought it would be far more credible and superior to current breakfast show host Eamonn Holmes. A brief press release outlined their position:

"We would like to thank Eamonn for all his dedication and hard work, but we're trying to do a serious news programme here. We have been trying to keep a straight face these last few months with Eamonn doing it... but he's basically just that fat bloke from GMTV.

"I mean... come on! - The National Lottery Jet Set, This Morning... I could go on. Didn't he do some shitty game show involving sudoku?

"He will be replaced by a new presenter, and we can confirm that it is the IED first seen in a Sky News report on Eamonn's programme. Maimin' Holmes, as we have come to know him, has seen combat and experienced the brutality of war - we can think of nobody better to step in."

Though unschooled in the art of presenting a rolling news programme, Maimin' has been received well by test audiences. It is believed that this is mainly due to the possibility of him exploding and causing severe physical pain to Kay Burley.

It is not the first time that a bit-part player has usurped the main star to take a larger role on a show. When former Eastenders dog Well'ard was written out of the soap, the viewers were so outraged that the animal was brought back to play a much more prominent role at a later date, as Shirley.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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