London - (Reuterus & Gonads): "One of you 'orrible lot's the little bastard's babyfather," the Commons Sergeant-Twat-Arms bellowed today as news of the Prince Harry paternity scandal spread throughout Whitehole.
Fears a coalition frontbencher's 1985 [c]legover spawned the clone impersonating young Harry escalated this week after a MoD tip-off.
Police probing MI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams' death now want all cabinet members genetically tested after reviewing new CCTV imagery of the ex-spook's night life.
This shows him and Harry quaffing pints of creme de menthe at the Oasis Bar & Grille in the Isle of Dogs.
The meetings took place several times a year with both men showing up incognito - sporting rainbow wigs and expensive make-up.
Reports a ginger hair was found in Williams' Pimlico flat last August were seized on by the media until forensic analysis proved its origin is canine.
Coincidentally, a large flame-furred Alsatian-cross bitch resident across the road in Alderney Street won best-of-breed in the Sandhurst Military Academy guide dog for the blind trials last March.
Russet-tressed Russian spook Anna Chapman is 69.