Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Sunday, 17 October 2010

image for Aircraft carrier fiasco takes a turn for the worse
"You are cleared to land and welcome to earth".

Today, the government announced that construction of the Royal Navy's two new aircraft carriers is to go ahead. However, for the first two years of their service, they will have no aircraft, due to dire cuts in the defence budget and the axing of the renowned Harrier jump jet.

Senior defence bosses are said to be furious at the decision. Former First Sea Lord Admiral Sir Albert Trotter was incandescent with rage, "An aircraft carrier with no jets? Do these cunts realise what twats we will look? We couldn't even defend ourselves against the French fucking fishing fleet!"

The Defence Secretary, Liam Cockhead-Clusterfuck, defended the government's decision, saying "This is a sensible decision. We have managed to secure the future of the two carriers, albeit that they will not have anything to carry for a while. In the meantime, we will be leasing them to the UN Department For The Welcoming of Extraterrestrial Beings. They will tow the carriers out into the mid-Atlantic and cover them in fairy lights. The idea is to provide another option for the more shy and reticent aliens out there, who may wish to land their UFOs and not be forced into close encounters with undesirables".

Meanwhile, UK satellites have picked up an increase in activity around Argentine ports. First reports indicate a large fleet of vessels heading for the Falkland Islands. The Argentine government has expalined this increase in activity, saying a group of zoologists are going to be carrying out a survey of penguins on the islands.

The Royal Navy is said to be avidly watching developments on CNN, as this will be as close as they get to the action this time round.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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