In a rare interview for this month's edition of Reader's Wives (incorporating Suburban Strumpets) magazine, Prince Charles took the opportunity to promote his green manifesto for living, 'Parody: Taking The Piss Out Of The Poor'. The Prince made an impassioned plea for a more balanced world and for people to return to a simpler, less materialistic way of life.
Whilst, in theory, this sounds a good idea, it is clear that Prince Charles has his head lodged firmly up his arse and has no fucking idea how to apply such a principle to his own private life.
In the same week he gave his interview, it has been revealed that Charles and Camilla have a staff of 124 people, costing a ridiculous 6 million quid a year. The list of staff includes 10 spin doctors, 19 accountants, 32 domestic staff, 11 travel agents, 16 gardeners, 3 chauffeurs, Charles' wet nurse and 15 'backroom boys and girls' (the mind boggles at that one). Lastly, there is the team of 8 veterinary staff from the Household Cavalry, who provide round the clock care for Camilla.
The Princes personal valets occupy the most powerful positions on his staff, as they perform the most personal and intimate services for the Prince. These include polishing his shoes, running his bath, dressing him, squeezing his toothpaste, wiping his arse and preparing Camilla for some royal rumpy pumpy, when his favourite footman is not available.
Another criticism Charles faces is his fleet of luxury vehicles. Even though they supposedly run on biodiesel, made from the the used cooking oil from Camilla's favourite fish and chip shop, the fleet of Jaguars, Audis and Range Rovers are not exactly what one would call environmentally friendly.
In response to his critics, who accuse him of grandiosity and extravagance, Charles has a simple response, "You can fuck right off, I'm the next King of England, I'll do as I fucking please".
Editor's note - for those interested in reading the full interview, this month's edition of Reader's Wives can be purchased from your local newsagent. Limited edition copies include a centrespread shot of Camilla wearing fishnets and crotchless knickers.