Written by Ellis Ian Fields
Print this
Topics: Economy, University, Cuts

Saturday, 16 October 2010

image for University Cuts - So What? Says Prof

While academics everywhere are throwing their hands up in horror at the prospect of proposed £4.2 billion cuts in university funding, one professor welcomes them.

"Bring it on!" says Lancelot D. Petrarch, head of the English Department at the University of Thames Valley East.

Speaking to us from the campus near Staines, Professor Petrarch said: "I don't give a flying f**k if they cut the budget at this place.

"Believe me, I could do with a reduction in the number of students.

"Day in, day out it's 'Professor, can I have more time to do this paper?' 'Professor, my copy of Milton fell in the river.' They get right on my tits.

"Every half-wit round these suburbs who has a couple of crap A-levels thinks they can come here and do English. They think it's easy - just reading books.

"Well they get a shock and most of 'em leave here with a third - those who don't drop out after their first confrontation at this level with Spenser. They're just thick and there's too many of them.

However university Vice-chancellor, Dame Lynette Crackling said: "Ha ha ha. Good old Lance. He's a card, that one."

Make Ellis Ian Fields's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 plus 2?

7 3 2 10
68 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience on our website, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more