London - (True Blue Bollox Mess): The fetid old slag had to be given intravenous worming pills this afternoon after doctors diagnosed compost crawlers wriggling out of Mrs T's orifices.
"These are typical graveyard brandlings," Royal Freak Hospital Professor of Decomposition Dr Einstein Flintstone commented, "the sort we only ever see during bodily exhumations.
"Either the old girl has been sucking on cemetery corpses or early putrefaction is already under way.
"Anyway, she's looks a fright and had to miss a Hellfire Club dinner at No 10 Downing Street tonight for her birthday."
Bookies reckon Thatcher will be doing everybody as massive favor if she clings on a fortnight before croaking it on Halloweeen.
"That's not presupposing that she's one of the 'undead' already, of course."
David Cameron is one smug bastard.