Government plans to axe the number of Pips in Quango orange juice have resulted in money saving measures that will save the economy from ruin.
Merging Quango Departments and renaming them will cost a fair amount in repainting signs on doors and some orange juice will have to be thrown away, clogging up drains, but the more efficient labelling and watering down of the juice will save millions over a century or two.
Also, the poor little pips will be recycled in a new Green Department for civil servants who are feeling ill. A special Green Room, being used for convalesence will employ nurses who are being wasted on cancer and cardiology wards -there the pips will be grown into fresh orange trees.
'In this way' said the Minister of Pips 'we shall save the country from bankruptcy and the mess left by the previous administration who failed to use doggie bags so disgracefully.'
The New leader of the Opposition Ed Miliband complained that the Government were in a shambles over the Pip announcement. 'People don't mind a few pips in their orange juice' he declared 'it confirms the juice came from real oranges.'
The Minister of Pips hit back in a rousing Parliamentary exchange. 'You give me the Pip (Tory laughter). Giving us lectures after that doggie disgrace!'
'We were not responsible for that' Ed hit back 'it was the Banks who refused our loans to buy the dooggie bags. The 'Sun' had stolen all the scoops.'
'You've had it now' a fellow Labour member whispered in Ed's ear 'never upset Rupert.'
'What I mean is' Ed stumbled 'the iniative and bravery of the 'Sun' used the initiative for which they are so famous to make use
of the doggie scoop bags before us. That was all our fault.'
'Apologise!' came the Coalition cries.
The Speaker rose. 'That's enough shit for one day'.