Written by Mercy Me
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Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for "Clare Raynor Made My Life Worse" says Cliff Richard
Take a look at her hair, it's real.

"Like most young men I looked at the problem pages of women's magazines to see whether there might be an answer to my particular problem", admitted Sir Cliff on the This Morning TV programme.

"However, I saw no appropriate guidance so I wrote to Clare. I explained in the letter that after quitting the booze and fags my life seemed to be totally pointless and I was even considering suicide."

"Unbelievably, she advised me to compensate for what was missing in my life! She encouraged me to have an awful lot of sex!!"

Clean-living Cliff was furious upon receiving such misguided advice. Without a second thought, I immediately travelled to her office, marched in and demanded to know exactly what she was on about since I already had a lot of awful sex.

"Believe it or not, her response was to laugh uncontrollably. I was a rather naive and forgetful teenager in those days and it took me a while to realise that I was still carrying my blow-up doll under my arm. "

Mind you, on a positive note the incident inspired me to appreciate what I already had and I went on to record the successful 'Living Doll'."

With a tear in his eye Cliff said that he would miss her presence very, very much. "...and Clare as well of course."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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