Written by IainB
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Topics: Drugs, Bananas

Wednesday, 13 October 2010

image for UK Government to ban bananas?
Widely available and very dangerous

News is emerging from 10 Downing Street that bananas are about to join the ever growing banned substances list, and not just because they already have 'ban' in their name.

It turns out that the stringy bits that are normally discarded on account of their foul chalky taste are in fact a highly potent psychotropic substance. Noel Eagle, the UK's chief scientist charged with identifying the next big drug to hit the streets before it hits the street so it can be banned without any scientific evidence, has identified that banana strings provide a high that is a cross between marijuana and LSD.

The exact method of preparation will not be divulged, but it is believed to be letting them dry then burning them.

"Bananas are in very common usage," said Eagle. "This means that youngsters have access to this obviously highly toxic, dangerous and addictive substance."

Eagle has no evidence to indicate that banana strings are addictive, toxic, dangerous or, indeed, psychotropic.

Jasper Ffyfe, owner of the world's largest banana export company, based near Dublin (other banana exporters are available), believes that Eagle is incorrect in this instance.

"I believe that he has bananaphobia," said Ffyfe. "It is quite common among public schoolboys. They were 'bananared' to Bananarama songs at school. I believe he is now using his position of power to ensure that he never has to see somebody sliding a moist, curved banana into their eagerly awaiting mouths."

Eagle refutes that he was a member of Eton Bananas and that he has ever tried banana strings.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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