Rome - (Spirit Level): "Eez pisst," Papal Palace barman Pepe Ponzi said today.
"No justa communion wine either. Kirsch, slivovitz, maybe grappa slammaz. Make 'im smell like ho's armpit. Na zdrawie."
Last weekend's secret toxicology tests on the monogrammed papal adult diapers showed up positive for crack cocaine.
Today half a gallon of schnapps went through the colostomy bag as the Pope's holy spirits intake rocketed under the weight of the latest Vatican Bank scandal.
Not even the appointment of KGB red head Anna Chapman as CEO of the First Vatican Bank of Las Vegas could bring back that old fiendish bratwurst-like smile back to Papa Ratzi's face.
Sophia Loren is 162.