John Bull has been refused the right of permanent residence in the UK. This is despite both his parents being British, his father having served as an officer in the Coldstream Guards. Additionally, Mr Bull's three daughters and grandson all live in the UK, along with his now ageing parents.
Mr Bull, who went to live in the US in the 1980s, decided he wanted to return to Britain to be near his family. He has never been unemployed, pays his taxes and has a substantial personal wealth from his successful real estate business.
Rather surprisingly, Mr Bull's application has been rejected, on the grounds that his ties to the UK are not strong enough. An official from the UK Border Agency, Sudeep Gudjerati, explained that the same rules applied to everybody and that Mr Bull had simply failed to meet the necessary requirements.
In contrast, earlier an Afghan man, his seven wives, nineteen children and three camels were given the right of residence in the UK, a four bedroomed council house and a benefits package worth nearly 40 grand a year. This man's only tie to the UK was that his great great great great grandfather was shot dead by a British soldier in 1841, during the First Afghan War.
Mr Bull reports that he is mildly pissed off about the situation.