A survey published today shows that an overwhelming number of soldiers in the British Army are either gay, or are 'not quite sure' about their sexuality.
The survey, carried out in Iraq and Afghanistan between 2007 and 2009, revealed that, out of 18,500 active servicemen and women questioned, nearly 14,000 said they fancied members of their own sex.
Men accounted for a staggering 84% of this figure, with 91% of them saying they had had 'relations' with other men whilst in action. Women fared little better; 89% said they were confirmed lesbians, and found that life in the army afforded them plenty of opportunity to 'lick out' their comrades.
One soldier, who had served in both Iraq and Afghanistan, said "There is little else to do when you are in the trenches at night apart from touch your buddy up, and fondle his balls. If you're lucky, he might ask you to toss him off, or if you're really fortunate ..." he trailed off, giggling.