Written by Sidney Bollocks

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Topics: School, paedophiles

Saturday, 9 October 2010

image for School dinner lady in child sex grooming scandal
Miss, can I have extra brussel sprouts, please?

A dinner lady at a primary school in County Durham has not worked for two years, after being warned that her actions could be construed as grooming a child for the purposes of having sex.

Mrs Dot Lavatory, 97, was witnessed by a supervisor offering a skinny looking kid an extra portion of brussel sprouts. She was immediately questioned about her intentions and the matter was referred to the school's principal, Mr Gerald Tosspot. Mrs Lavatory vehemently denied any suggestion of improper conduct, saying "For fuck's sake man, I'm 97 years old".

Mr Tosspot sought a further interview with Mrs Lavatory, but she was so upset by the whole incident that she refused to set foot back in the school.

To make matters worse, Mr Tosspot then advised the school chaplian, Father O'Frottery, that Mrs Lavatory was absent from her duties, due to a 'serious child protection issue'. Father O'Frottery expressed his disappointment and suggested she say ten Hail Marys.

Father O'Frottery was last seen offering sweets to year five pupils and asking them back to his house to look at his collection of religious icons.

Mrs Lavatory is awaiting an apology and a huge compensation payout. A Lithuanian squatter has applied for her position.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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