Written by Jimarillo
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Topics: Economy, Benefits, Cuts

Friday, 8 October 2010

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Following the announcement by British Prime Minister that child benefit payments will be cut researchers have unearthed some of the otherwise unseen benefits that are to come. Whilst some of the public are left seething by the PM's news others are more encouraged by what may happen as a result.

Previously parents were able to claim government financial support for each of the children that they have, in some cases some families were living off the benefit which is also so crucial for others. Mr Cameron finally announced that this benefit will be cut, no doubt as a result of the cheats who take it for granted.

Researchers believe that one of the stealth benefits of the cut is that childrens names will now take a return to the more traditional. In recent years local birth registers show a rise in what was known as consumable naming where we saw children being named after the parents consumable of choice. Names like Mayfair, Chardonnay and Twix were on the rise whilst names like Andrew, Stuart and Anabelle were left dwindling.

There may also be an outside shot of a more agreeable society in the UK once certain parents realise the responsibility of paying for their children themselves. In turn this should learn the child of responsibility in general and teach them not to expect something from nothing. This may lead on to an end to youth crime and the inexplicable lust of celebrity status which has flooded the minds of the nations youth and exposed others to such dire entertainment and worthless social content. But really who can say what will happen after the benefit cut. It is a clear indication that the future of the UK has been delegated to the public. As Mr Cameron said "Your country needs you", quite literally so it seems. He also commented that once they have done the benefits you can clean the kitchen too.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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