Written by Xavier
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Thursday, 7 October 2010

image for Anne Widdicome Launches New Scent

It appears that Anne Widdicome has hit on another winner and stands to make thousands of pounds after her appearance on Strictly Come Dancing.

Following her sweaty swarré around the dance floor she discarded her dank sweaty Victorian sized knickers on the floor of her dressing room. Later three mice, a rat, two squirrels, a bat, an owl and Aleksandr Orlov the famous TV meercat were found dead gathered around the odorous underwear.

Anne, never to miss a money maker, whisked the whiffy whities along to a biochemist friend who conducted tests on them.

He found that the nidorous knicker smell would attract all manner of insects and small mammals which would take one sniff and expire with immediate onset of rigor mortis.

It is said a Tse-Tse fly can be downed at 3 miles and there are reports that the flies can pick up the putrid pong in Africa, 3,000 miles away.

Floribuna Flutters, an expert from the Rural Horticultural Society tested the new essence on her flower beds and found it out performed lion dung in keeping cats off her vegetable patch. She did find one down side in that it also wilted all her cabbages.

Anne is now launching the scent in a number of formats from a garden spray to a travellers insect repellent under the name Widdicome's Whiffies.

She is hoping to have a long run on Strictly because the original sweat wrung from her drawers has been diluted to 1 part per thousand and supplies are now running low; she appeals to viewers to vote for her so she can keep up production with the aim of wiping malaria from the face of the earth (and making a packet).

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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