Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Thursday, 7 October 2010

image for Plans To Extend Headmasters' Powers Outside School Derided

Plans by Education Secretary Michael Gove to allow headmasters to discipline pupils "any time, any place, anywhere" face derision.

He told the Tory party conference: "At the moment heads are prevented from dealing with their pupils if they run wild in a shopping mall or behave anti-socially in town centres.

"So we will change the rules to send one clear - and consistent - message. Heads will have the freedom they need to keep pupils in line - any time, any place, anywhere."

"What a load of utter bosh, bunkum and balderdash," said top school head Dr Roger Latin-Vocab. "Gove really must try harder. This just isn't good enough.

"I mean can you imagine it? A youngster is in the crowd at the Arsenal and joins in with the traditional 'You're shit-ahhhhh' shout when the goalkeeper takes a dead ball kick - and there's a tap on his shoulder: 'See me after assembly on Monday, Thompson minor!'

"Or a couple of young chaps are running along when they hear someone bellowing: 'Venables! Horton-Finch! Walk, don't run you horrible little oiks!'

"Furthermore, Gove's oration skills need some work. 'Any place, anywhere' mean the same thing - stupid man!

"No, no, no - this won't do at all."

Additional reporting by Mrs Fields.

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